The List
by hkhargitay
Summary: Life: The course of existence of an individual. Death: The time at which life ends. If you had four months to live, what would you want to accomplish?
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NONE OF THESE CHARACTERS. THE STORY LINE IS MINE.**

**Okay, so I started writing this over two years ago and I started it out as EO and never changed it. I really hope I don't lose readers over this.**

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_Olivia's POV_

The initial shock had passed, lingered away along with many of the expectations I had looked forward to achieving in my lifetime.

The four month period in which I was granted to live was enough to send me into a depression so deep; I wanted to die right then and there.

There is nothing worse than knowing exactly how much time you have to live, feeling this disease eat you alive, seeing just how much it is taking out of the ones you love. No pain can compare to seeing everything you care about get ripped away from you.

Elliot Stabler; five syllables that make my life so much better. He is better to me than I am to myself. He makes sure I eat when I'm not hungry, sleep when I'm not tired, and live when I want to die. He would sacrifice his life to keep me healthy; something that nobody can do.

I made the choice not to advance in chemotherapy; it would do me no good. I will take medicine for the pain and live out my final months to the fullest, up until the moment I am forced into the hospital because I will be able to uphold the sickness no longer.

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_Elliot's POV_

In the thirteen hours that had passed so slowly, my fiancé was diagnosed with lung cancer. A disease that was already too far along that it would be pointless to try and stop it.

She, of all people, didn't deserve this. The majority of her life has been all but good, but she was too confidant to let that pull her down. That is, until her diagnoses had an effect on her so awful, it confined her to the darkness that not only killed her happiness, but suffocated her willingness to live.

She lay here in my embrace, her head on my lap as she rests sideways on the couch, facing the fireplace. I run my nails along her soft skin, massage her scalp with my fingertips, and do absolutely anything to comfort her.

Her breathing was steady, except for the moments when a tear would slide down her face and she would take in a shuddering breath. At those moments, I would bend over as gently as possible and place a kiss on her temple. She turned over until she was facing my stomach. Her hand reaches for me and grasps onto the cloth of my shirt. I take her hand and pry it away from my shirt, lacing my fingers with hers and bringing her hand to my lips.

"I love you," I whispered.

To that she said cried; cried for the inability to stop this disease from spreading, cried for the lack of love she felt in her life, cried for the life she would soon be forced to say goodbye to.

She cried until the tears stopped themselves and sent her into a light sleep. Her breathing evened and her muscles relaxed. Her face softened and her hand fell from the grip of mine. I didn't want to let her go, but she hadn't eaten since she found out about her condition yesterday. I slid my arms carefully under her knees and neck and stood up with her in the safety of my grasp. She naturally burrowed herself into my chest and adjusted to her comfort. I carried her into her bedroom and pulled the covers back, gently laying her down and tucked her in. I leaned in lightly kissed her forehead, whispering "I love you" once more.

The light of her fridge flickered on as I opened the door, peering inside to find something for her to eat. Moving on to her pantry, I found bread, peanut butter, and chips. In ten minutes, a peanut butter sandwich, Doritos, and an apple were ready to be eaten. I put them on a paper plate and poured a glass of water. I made my way into her room and sat them on the night stand next to her bed. I usually love watching her sleep; she typically looks peaceful and happy, something that Olivia Benson doesn't get often. But at this moment, her face is distressed and she is in Hell. I placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it softly.

"I brought you food, Liv," I whispered. She simply turned to the side buried her head in her pillow.

"Go to Hell, I'm not hungry." She mumbled. I smiled subtly, knowing I was going to miss the sound of her voice. I was going to miss everything.

"I know, baby," I sat her up slowly and placed a lingering kiss on her forehead.

"I'm not going to eat." She told me, stubbornly. I wasn't going to have any of it, though. I sat down directly in front of her and waited until she looked directly into my eyes.

"Listen to me, I know you feel like there's no point in living right now, but that's bullshit and you know it. Now you can be as stubborn as you want but I will find a way to get food into you. I will find a way to assure that you are getting enough rest. Olivia, I will do whatever the Hell it takes to keep you as healthy as possible, no matter how hard or how long it takes. I know you are a long ways away from wanting to help yourself but I'm not going to let you go any sooner than I have to, you got that? You are going to stay here, with me, for as long as your health will allow. I love you too much to say goodbye anytime soon." I declared, tears in my eyes.

I studied the lines on her face and I knew that my previous words had gotten to her. She sat up, un-ruffled her blankets, and placed the plate of food on her lap. She nodded and began eating. I let out a stiff sigh and looked at her, questioningly. All I wanted to hear was how she felt about this. Did she really just want to die right now? Was she that distraught? I stood up abruptly and traveled to the office, returning with a pad of paper and a pen. Olivia looked up at me, wondering what I was up to.

"Is there anything at all you have wanted to do that you haven't yet?" I asked, being completely vague.

"Have children," She whispered, bowing her head. I looked to my lap and sighed,

"Olivia, please, just let me try and help you. Now I want you to make a list of five things you want to accomplish in the next few months. I want these to be the best months of your life." I explained, knowing that they weren't going to be. But I would try like Hell to make sure they were as good as they could get.

I handed her the paper and pen and left her in peace for an hour or so. Once I returned, she was fast asleep with the paper filled in. Numbers were scratched out and numerous pages were in a trash bun by her door. But there it was, resting beside her; The List. I picked it up and smiled at her handwriting, tears running steadily down my face as I read the list.

_1-Marry Elliot Stabler_

_2-Swim with dolphins_

_3-Watch the sunrise on the beach._

_4-Be a mother_

_5-Die Happy_

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**Keeping this chapter short and sweet to start things off. They will get longer, don't worry. Thanks for reading :) Please leave a review if you have time. More reviews=Faster updates :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for your amazing reviews :) Here's a longer chapter for ya.**

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_EPOV_

Tears. They could represent happiness, anger, frustration, hurt, stress, humiliation, defeat, fear, pain; the list goes on. In this case, the tears represent loss, defined as being without something you once had. That description doesn't fit this situation. In this case, the loss is of something you only dreamed of having.

In this case, it is the dream itself that was lost.

She rests in my arms, the heart and soul of a woman who fought for the life of others, yet will lose hers to a simple misinterpretation.

This all could have been avoided had the symptoms been stronger. Had they shown not to be a simple chest cold, the love of my life would have an entire life to live out. But instead, her head rests on my chest with tears streaming down the beautiful silhouette created by the sunshine streaming through the window. I'm allowing her this time to mourn what she won't have much longer. I'm accepting that she needs this trust in me. She needs to know that I won't run.

My lips rest on the top of her head, and I'm gently swaying her to the notes that fill the sorrowful atmosphere. The sounds are soft and subtle, but create a setting of relaxation. The generic songs that held so much meaning remind us of simplicity. Somewhere Over The Rainbow, Hallelujah, Imagine, they are all common songs with common meanings, but the format and life behind them mean so much more.

I tell her I love her. The simple words hold more meaning now than ever. Because now the days where I can say those words to her have a limit. Not a limit that can be extended or pushed back a few days. A true barrier between life and death.

I slowly sit up further. I slide her off of my lap and turn her towards me. Her tears slow, but she won't look me in the eyes. I press my lips to her forehead and rest there, soon moving on to her nose, cheeks, and lips. I can taste her tears on my lips and I savor it.

Bryan Adams fills our ears, and that's when our eyes finally connect. She gives a small smile as she remembered the significance of the song.

"Our first dance..." she whispers.

It's true. It was two years ago at a bar after a hard case, and we were all a little drunk. Words of love and memories took over the air. I asked her to dance. It was a simple question that was almost a joke at the time. She said yes and as our hands intertwined that night, something changed within us. Just weeks later, we were a couple. We were separated as partners, but it was worth the time we could spend together outside of work. We took things slowly, but soon we knew that fate made it this way.

I made love to her for the first time on Thanksgiving. It was November 22nd, and we had decided that we just wanted to be with each other. Kathy had the kids with her in Georgia to visit her parents. Our dinner was nothing fancy. Red wine, turkey, mashed potatoes, and salad. We were resting on the couch, simply talking about our future, when I gave her a simple kiss. It soon escalated to more and before I knew it we were in her bedroom and I was inside of her.

She got pregnant that night.

We couldn't have been happier. Although we were only a few months into a real relationship and the pregnancy was unplanned, we both were ecstatic.

But just as she was approaching the second trimester, she lost the baby. We went through a hard couple of months, but in the end came out stronger.

I proposed to her- well, we proposed to each other- on April 7th. She didn't know I was already planning on proposing a week later and I had just come back from getting the ring. We met each other in Central Park, me after getting the ring and her after finishing work. We were holding hands and walking through the park when, out of the blue, she said that we should get married. I simply laughed and pulled the ring out of my pocket. It wasn't the extravagant proposal that I had planned, but I wouldn't change a second of it.

Now it's July 17th, and this day will go down in history as one of the worst.

"Yeah..." I sigh. She slowly scoots off of the bed, and I follow.

"What're ya doing?" I ask.

She walks us to the foot of her bed and grabs my hand.

"Dance with me," she says. I don't need to respond. I find the dip of her back, just above the line of her sweats, with one hand, and hold her hand with the other. Her arm is around my neck and her head rests on my shoulder. In that moment, we move as one.

Soon she lets go of my hand, reaching it around my neck and joining it with the other. I hold her closer to me and let my own tears fall; I let gravity take them from me. They fall to her thin tank top and seep through. We both hold onto each other tighter, and my lips meet her temple and rest there.

"It'll be alright," I say. Not only to comfort her, but to convince me. Because I need to believe it in order to be there for her completely.

I need to believe it to be there for her. Olivia. She's dying and I need to be there for her.

It will be alright.

It will be alright.

I keep telling myself this. At the same time, I can't help but think the opposite.

What if it's not?

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_OPOV_

I awaken to a sharp pain in my chest. Elliot's arms encircle my waist, leaving me with little room to move. I would try to adjust, but then he would unconsciously tighten his grip.

The coughing begins and he wakes up instantly. He sits me up and rubs my back. We both know this will happen often, and we had better get used to it. The coughing finishes and the breathlessness follows- the restriction in my chest is suffocating me.

When you know you're dying, the simplicity of short breaths is scary as hell.

"Slow down, baby, take deep breaths," Elliot encourages me, his cheek resting next to mine. I'm finally able to get my breathing under control and I lay my head down on his shoulder. He lowers us to the bed, and we go back to sleep.

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_EPOV_

The long night brings me no rest after Olivia's 2 AM coughing fit. After, we had lay back down, and I found my place with my arms around her and our foreheads touching. I watched her like a hawk the whole night. My heart rate would pick up at every uneven breath and I would wait until they evened out again before I would calm down.

Just yesterday we were discussing our future and our wedding plans. Now we are discussing her death wishes and when she plans on accomplishing them.

I'm lost in my dark thoughts until I hear a whisper.

"I'm so scared..." Olivia admits, tears streaming down her face. I hold her then. I hold her knowing for a fact that I won't be able to hold her much longer.

I hold her.

I kiss her.

I savor her.

The pictures that flood my mind cause tears of my own. I know that we should be making the best of the time we have, but it seems impossible.

How do you make the best out of absolute hell?

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_OPOV_

My appetite has long since passed. I want to get away. Leave this town, these memories, this life.

I overlook the city from our balcony, with Elliot's arms wrapped around my waist. The wind is blowing softly, and the sun is just barely about the horizon. I close my eyes and rest my head back on Elliot's shoulder.

It almost feels... peaceful.

Elliot and I have already planned for our wedding to take place in Hawaii on August 13th. A small wedding with the Stabler kids and our co-workers.

"I want to get married," I say aloud to him. He turns me around in his arms.

"We will. The reservation is next month."

"No. No, I mean... I want to get married sooner. I... only have four months left. I've been waiting my whole life to find somebody, and now that I have, I want to be connected to you for as long as I can. Legally. I just-"

"Hey." He silences me with his lips, pressing them quickly to mine. "I'll call right now. Bump up the date. I just want you to be happy."

True to his word, he's on the phone ten minutes later. He's able to bump the date to July 28th, meaning that we now have a week and a day to get everybody plane tickets and plan everything.

We had decided early on that it would be a very laid back ceremony. Ten chairs set on the sand with a row down the middle, leading me to the rest of my life. No big fancy dress or hair. I had been planning this since I was twelve and my outfit still stays the same; loosely curled hair with a knee-length white sundress, barefoot with a few speakers and lights lining the sand for our dance floor.

A flower in my hair. A single diamond around my neck.

That's my idea of heaven.

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_EPOV_

I walk her up the three or four stairs and hold the door open for her. We reach our destination and we stand there, facing our colleagues. They wait as if we have something to say.

We sure as hell do.

"Look who's not actually sick. There's no way it's a coincidence that you both were out sick on the same day with nothing leading up to it. You could have at le-"

"Munch!" Cragen shouts.

"Is something wrong?" our captain asks us.

Olivia looks up at me with eyes pleading for me to explain. She hooks her arm with mine and her chin starts to wobble. She turns towards me, resting her forehead on my shoulder, not caring what anybody else thinks. I wrap an arm around her before I begin to speak. "Liv and I went to the doctor yesterday for her chest cold..."

"And...?" Fin prods us to go on.

"They diagnosed her with lung cancer. Pretty far along. She has four months to live and there's nothing we can do," I say as fast and quickly as I can. It was hard enough for me to admit it to myself, let alone other people. I tighten my grip on Olivia once I feel her shoulders shake with sobs.

"You're kidding. Oh my god..." Munch says. All three men are getting emotional; Fin leaves the room. Olivia is still sobbing against me and refuses to turn around, not that I was asking her to.

I tell the captain to call me later so I can talk to him about the diagnosis and our wedding situation. I need to get Liv out of there. All I care about now is comforting the one thing that keeps me in line. Being there for my fiancé, role model, and most importantly, my best friend.

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**And there's chapter two :) Okay, so would you guys rather have longer chapters but slower updates or shorter chapters and faster updates? PLEASE let me know so I can divide what I have written evenly. Please review so I can get over this damn writers block that has been slowly killing me. Gracias, mi amigos. **


	3. Chapter 3

I talked to Cragen later and, after discussing Olivia's condition, we talked about the wedding. Cragen said that for Olivia, it would be no problem to get different plane tickets and change their reservations. By 6pm that night, the wedding was fully prepared.

We hung up the phones and I walked into the master bedroom. Olivia was asleep on the bed. I pulled up a chair next to her and kissed her cheek. She was used to me watching her sleep so she didn't wake. And as I ran my fingertips across her body, I thanked god for giving me her. But at the same time, I wanted to shut him out of my life for good for doing this to her.

I wanted to give her children. I wanted to celebrate our anniversary. I wanted to retire next to her.

I will get none of that.

I get to watch her die.

I was in tears by now. Olivia was beginning to wake and I pulled her into my arms. I sat on the lounge chair, holding her as tight as possible.

"Go back to sleep." I whispered in a shaky tone. I kissed the top of her head and her breathing started to even out again.

I ran my fingers lightly over her scalp and arms. I let her silky hair divide between my fingers. I told her I loved her. I told he over and over again until they didn't sound like words anymore. Even they, I still told her. I told her about how much she meant to me. I talked to her about how great my life's been for the past twelve years.

I was sobbing at that point.

* * *

1-Marry Elliot Stabler

2-Swim with dolphins

3-Watch the sunrise on the beach

4-Be a mother

5-Die Happy

Looking at her list, I tried figuring out how these would all work.

I wanted to worry about what could be done right now.

"Liv, wake up baby." Elliot gently shook his fiancé. She lightly stirred and reached up to grab Elliot's shoulders and pull him close.

"I love you." She told him, wrapping her arms around him. He playfully picked her up and carried her to the kitchen, her laughter filling his ears the whole time. It was as if she woke up a new person.

They both sat down to eat the breakfast that Elliot had prepared earlier that morning.

"How are you holding up?"

Olivia started playing with her food, twirling it around with her fork. Elliot gave her space to get her thoughts together.

"I woke up around six. You were holding me and I realized that I want to live my last months happy. I want it to be worth something, ya know?"

Elliot's eyes filled with tears and he smiled at the amazing woman sitting in front of him.

"I'm so proud of you. And just being here with me, right now, us worth more to me than anything."

They enjoyed their breakfast and decided to pack a lunch and take it to Central Park. Elliot led Olivia to their car and opened the door for her. They got situated and Elliot took Olivia's hand in his before he pulled out of the driveway.

Twenty minutes later, they pulled over near the park and Elliot got out, telling Olivia to stay put. He walked over to her side and opened the door for her. He held his hand out and she took it. Her soft smile warmed his heart and he had no choice but to pull her into a kiss.

People watched and people whistled but they didn't care.

"What was that for?" Olivia asked as their lips parted.

"No reason." Elliot said, kissing her forehead. "I just love you."

They walked through the park, hand in hand. The trees whistled and the sounds of conversation filled the air. Amongst the laughter and the happiness, there was always a sense of homeliness in the atmosphere.

A place to feel welcome.

A place to feel free.

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OPOV

There is a man on the bench, quietly reading the newspaper, there is loneliness in his eyes.

There are two children splashing in little puddles on the sidewalk, there is innocence in their laughter.

There are two young adults, laying in the grass together, there is love in their spirits.

Then there is me. Me and the man I love walking together. For us, well for us there is calmness in our stride.

I overhear people talking about their favorite recipes. Others about what movies came out recently. I realize that everybody, every soul, every heart, has lead their lives differently. Optimists, pessimists, those just following the trail.

Somebody is giving birth right now, while somebody else is attending a funeral. Today, July 19th, will represent many things for many people. The start of lives, the ends of others, the wedding date of a couple and the divorce date of another. It's all the same day, just different representations dwelling on it.

My take on today is probably different from most people's, because today I get to experience a love truer than most. Not some year long fling. This is a twelve year long love that we finally got to act upon. All of our endless, powerful emotions that have been held in our hearts for over a decade can finally make themselves known.

As I walk along the path with Elliot's hand encasing mine, tears made their was down my face. Elliot turned me towards him and rested his hands on just under my cheeks. He lightly brushed my tears away with the pads of his thumbs. I was quietly smiling and Elliot brought his lips I mine. He is rough and stiff, but impossibly gentle against my mouth.

Once again, the reality of my situation caught up with me and I broke down in tears.

"I'm sorry." I quietly cried.

"Never be sorry. Never." Elliot said to me. I felt the need to escape the world, just for a second.

Just for a second.

Her cries gently shook her shoulders. She inched closer to me and I pulled her into my arms. I could feel the vibrations from her uneven breaths. I held her as close as she could be, she fit perfectly against me. Her hair was tucked beneath my chin and her head against my chest.

It didn't take long for tears to making their way down my face, too. So we stood as one, crying together in the middle of Central Park.

We weren't terribly upset or in pain, but we were just acknowledging the fact of the matter; the time we had left together was painfully limited. We pulled apart and I pressed my lips to her forehead, resting them there for a few seconds.

"I love you." I said against her skin. She nodded and took my hand as she found me eyes. We soon kept walking.

We would pass the playground and I could tell that Olivia was trying to keep her emotions in. She would watch the younger children on the swings, the ones that didn't have a care in the world; they didn't need to. She watched the teenagers on the benches, texting and checking facebook. She wanted a child that she could yell at to put the electronics down, for painting on the walls when they were a toddler. She had wanted a child for so damn long.

We found a spot on the grass by a small pond. It was away from most other people and quiet. I sat down and and pulled her in front of me, scooting forward so that her back was to by chest and my legs were at her side.

"It's okay to cry." I told her. She nodded and let a few tears fall. I brought her hand up to my mouth and skimmed her knuckles with my lips. Her hand squeezed mine and she rested her head in the crook of my neck. I put my arm around her and held her close to me.

" I had a miscarriage." Olivia's quiet voice broke the air. She raised her head from my shoulder and waited for the news to process.

"What? Liv, I would've bee-"

"Elliot, it's okay. It happened a long time ago.".

"Why didn't you tell me?" Olivia let out a long sigh and went back to her resting place in the crook of my neck.

"It was 2008. I found out I was pregnant two months before Gitano happened. That's why I went to computer crimes. I didn't want anybody to see me showing until I knew it was gonna happen. I was gonna tell you once I passed my 2nd trimester. I had two days to go when I lost her."

I felt my heart break in two for her. I kissed the top of her head and tears filled my eyes.

"I had her name picked out and everything." She whispered, as if it was an afterthought.

"What was it?" I asked quietly.

"It's dumb. I don't th-"

"Olivia, what was her name?" I asked, gently cutting her off.

After a long pause and some tears shed, her soft voice filled my ears.

"Mireya Elle. Mireya means "miracle" and I picked Elle because it means "shining light." And because of you, Elliot. You are my light. You are everything I could ever ask for and so much more. As dumb as it sounds, I'm finally gonna get to meet her."

I let out a soft sob. My arms wrapped around her and my lips found her temple. I closed my eyes and did my best to memorize her. The feeling of her, the smell of her. How was I going to be able to live without her? Without her happiness and spirit and determination to do good in the world?

"It's okay, Elliot. I'm not leaving you. I'm just going to visit my daughter for a bit." She spoke with immense grace.

"I thought you didn't believe in Heaven or anything like that?"

"I don't know. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. But without a little bit of faith, I wouldn't have any reason to continue trying."


	4. Chapter 4

A couple hours and a few tears later, Elliot and Olivia were reminiscing on old memories and just talking about anything and everything. He kissed the back of her head and told her that he loved her. Olivia said it back and he kissed her again.

"Do you remember," She began, "that one time that we went to go see Harry Potter at 11:45 at night after an interrogation all day?"

"Of course I do. We got sour gummy worms and you only liked the blue ones. But they were all two-sided so I would keep finding pink ones with half of them missing. " Elliot let out a small laugh and smiled at the memory.

"I made it about 30 minutes into the movie when I decided I was tired. You gave me your jacket and I used it as a pillow and fell asleep on your lap. There were only 5 other people in the huge theatre so I was able to stretch out across a few seats."

"I fell asleep 20 minutes later and we were both out cold until the custodians came to clean the theatre." Elliot added.

"You drove me home and walked me up to my apartment. You kissed me for the first time that night. I'll never forget it." Olivia smiled. Elliot tightened his grip on her the slightest bit, as if he was just reminding himself that she is his.

"I love you." He told her. Olivia told him she loved him and rested back in his embrace. The sun was beginning to set and the temperature was slowly starting to drop. She could stay like this forever.

Forever is ending way too soon.

* * *

_I could hold her forever._

Olivia's soft hair was tucked under Elliot's chin and his arms were clasped just under her chest.

_I could hold her forever._

The grass is soft beneath them, the air giving off a slight chill.

A tear slipped down his cheek, going unnoticed.

_I'm going to have to let her go._

He held her tighter and more tears fell. She knew he was crying but gave him a minute to himself. She leaned her head back on his shoulder and looked up at him, searching for his lips. He kissed her softly, her lips gentle and plump against his. The moisture from his cheeks fell to hers.

He broke the kiss and let out the smallest sob. Olivia brought her hand to his cheek.

"I'm scared, too. I'm so terrified that I will never see you again. Never hear or feel you again. What if the sex isn't as good in Heaven? I won't survive." She joked, "I guess i'm not surviving anyways," she added with a sad smile. Elliot wasn't smiling though. His heart was having more and more pain thrown on it every time she talked, every time she moved.

She joked that she isn't surviving.

He won't be either.

* * *

Elliot spent the better part of the hour watching Olivia sleep in his embrace. He ran his fingers up and down her harms and kissed her temple periodically. The sun was almost down and she was going to need food soon. He gently shifted under her, causing her to begin to wake.

"Come on, baby. Let's get some food in you." He said.

"I'm not a baby and I don't need to be fed." She replied, half asleep.

"Yeah, yeah, details." He moved underneath her and helped her up. They walked hand in hand back to the car and drove to the small diner that they usually go to on their lunch breaks. They sat at their normal table and ate their normal food. Olivia told him that she wanted a night in. They ran to the grocery store on the way home and got a few movies and snacks. Pretty soon they were cuddled up on the couch watching "The Wizard Of Oz", a movie that Olivia had never seen. She was asleep on his lap as the credits rolled in. He whispered to her that it was time for bed.

"I'm good where I am." She responded with a small smile.

"At least give me a goodnight kiss." He said. Olivia sat up and adjusted herself so that she was sitting across his lap. He kissed her softly and sipped from her bottom lip as she pulled away. She curled up to me and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I'm ready." She declared. Elliot could hear the joy in her voice. He laughed and secured her in his grip before standing up and heading down the hall.

"Is this how it's gonna be from now on?"

* * *

Elliot deposited his fiancé onto their bed and moved to hold himself above her. He planted kisses all over her, on every piece of exposed skin.

Her forehead was soft when he kissed it, her cheeks felt like home. Her nose made her giggle and her giggle made him cry.

He continued his journey downward and reached the collar of her T-shirt. His hand found the hem of it and cast it over her head. He reached underneath her and found the clasp of her bra, removing it just as soon as he came into contact with it. Her shorts and panties were cast away just as soon. He found his way back up to her lips and seeked her softness there. His hands cradled her face and his fingers traced across her forehead, finding their way down the curve of her nose which he kissed.

Olivia closed her eyes as he ran his fingertips near them. He kissed each of her eyelids before returning to the original destination. Her eyes were still closed as his lips pressed against hers, ever so gently. She tasted the salt on him before she opened her eyes to see that he was crying. He broke the kiss and ran his hand lightly over her hairline.

"You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, Olivia Benson." He whispered reverently. "So beautiful."

Olivia felt a tear slip down her own cheek. Elliot kissed it away and continued down her body.

His lips made contact with her nipple and she let out a staggered breath. He palmed her breast gently and ran his tongue over the curve of it , then down to her stomach. He smiled at the patch of freckles that made it's home right next to her belly button. She used to be insecure about it but he thinks it's absolutely adorable.

His trail continues down and as he leaves her belly button, his hands find her upper thighs and slowly push them apart, revealing her to him. He gets to one particular place just above her pubic bone that is sensitive. Her stomach contracts lightly every time he kisses her there.

He goes just a bit lower and stops just before he gets to her core. His hands move to her knees and he spreads them farther. The pads of his thumbs expose her center to him. He places the lightest of kisses to her clit, making her jump slightly. His finger ran up her slit and gathered its wetness, using the moisture to create less friction. He pulled back her clitoral hood and saw the small bundle of nerves come into view. He rubbed it with his lightest touch, but that contact was enough to send Olivia's hips into the air.

He used his palm to hold her hips down as he made small circles with his thumb, gradually increasing in pressure and speed.

"I'm going to come. Oh my God, El." She gasped out, breathlessly. Elliot continued his ministrations until she was about to break. He stopped abruptly and let her compose herself, continuing just as fast as he'd stopped.

"Come for me, gorgeous. Let it all go." He said. Olivia's thighs came together as she was sent into oblivion. Elliot continued his domination on her clit until her hand came down and stopped him from resuming. He made his way back up to and held her as her climax came to an end. A tear made It's way down his face just watching her break in such a sacred way.

"I want you inside me, El." She said after she recovered. Elliot kissed her lips and ran his hands up and down her back.

"We have all night, baby."

They were soon both asleep, Elliot fully clothed and Olivia with nothing on, just holding each other.

Forgetting for a small moment that they were at the entrance of Hell.

* * *

Elliot awoke at 5:30 in the morning with Olivia naked in his arms. There was a look of sudden terror on her face.

"Olivia..." He tried to wake her. He sat up and tried to move her with him. Her eyes shot open and her head began jerking around the room, as if trying to figure out where she was. Her breaths quickened and she soon wasn't getting enough air. Elliot put one hand on her shoulder and the other copped her cheek. She then sat still but her eyes were still wandering.

"Olivia, baby i'm right here. Look at me, Liv." He said, locking his eyes with hers. He watched as her eyes transformed from terror to tears.

"Elliot...Oh God." She sobbed, curling into herself.

"Come here, baby." Elliot pulled her into his lap and brought their blankets up higher, covering her.

"I don't want to leave you." She cried in between sobs. Elliot continues to rock and sush her. Just when he thought she had calmed down, her breathe caught in her throat and sent her into a coughing fit. Her chest would contract so hard that it cramped, making her cry out in pain and starting the whole process over again.

Elliot felt tears stinging his eyes as he watched her writhing in pain. He held her shoulders and caught her eyes with his. He could see the fear of the situation in them.

"Olivia, sweetheart I need you to look at me. Don't scare yourself. Look at me and take a slow, deep breath, okay?" He said. She got her coughing under control and was finally able to breath again. The tears didn't stop, though. She didn't trust her voice and looked to her love to save her. He gladly did. He took her into his arms and layed them back down, his arm as her pillow and her head on his shoulder. She felt his lips on her forehead. She didn't lose that feeling until he pulled away a few minutes later. She knew from the tears streaming down his face that he felt every bit of pain she did.

"Elli-"

"Shh..." He cut her off gently. He wanted so badly for her to be open with him, but something stopped him from letting her.

"I can't take it right now. Please just let me hold you. Please." He practically begged. Olivia nodded and pressed her lips against his neck. Sobs took over Elliot's body and he held her tighter. A sudden rage came over him, a realization of the situation they were in. He quickly pulled away from her and sat up, still crying.

"Oh God, why is this happening?" He harshly whispered He got out of bed and Olivia stayed put, understanding that he needed time alone. He grabbed his robe off the dresser and put it on, sending his fist through the wall as he gripped the sliding glass door in their bedroom. He stepped out onto the small balcony and shut the door behind him. He fell to his knees and buried his face in his hands.

Olivia could hear his sobs from inside.

* * *

Elliot found himself gripping the black railing that lined the balcony. The sun was just peeking over the horizon, colors filling the sky. He didn't pay attention to that, though. He was thinking about why it was him. What did he do to deserve this? He doesn't mean that Olivia doesn't have it worse, but he was still in a shitty situation as well.

Just over thirty minutes passed before he heart the door slide behind him. The patter of the footsteps before he felt small hands glide past his sides and clasp just above his waistline. A chin rested on his shoulder and he laid his left hand over hers and ran his fingertips over the ring that rested there.

"Olivia?" His voice was small, broken.

"Yeah, baby?"

"You are everything to me. Everything. I need you to know that, to believe it. You have always been insecure," he felt her loosen her grip, "there's nothing wrong with that, i'm not judging you. As hard as I try, you are always ready to run if I try and convince you that you are important and there is so much good in you. You are scared of other people needing you in their lives because you don't want to disappoint them. So I need you to understand and always know that you are everything to me."

He immediately felt her pull back. He stopped her before she lost her grip, though. He turned around in her arms to see her looking down with tears running down her face. He hooked his arms around her waist, preventing her from leaving. His forehead fell to hers and their eyes both closed.

"You don't believe me, do you?" He asked.

"I...I want to, i'm trying so hard to. I just...it doesn't seem possible to mean so much to somebody. I-I can't underst-" She went quiet when he pushed away from her.

"What's it gonna take?" He said, burning her with his tone. "Huh, Olivia? What do I have to do to make you believe it? Because it sure as hell seems like there is nothing else that I can do. In this fucked up, mess of a situation, I need to know that mentally, you know I live for you."

"Elliot, i'm sorr-" She stopped herself when he shoved passed her. He then faced the house with his back to her. She gave him a minute to breathe as he ran his hands through his short hair. Soon after, he slowly turned around, still looking down.

"You're dying." He said, just above a whisper. "You're dying and...and i'm not gonna be able to handle it, Olivia. You could have had your whole life ahead of you but you let your damn stubbornness control you and you didn't get checkout out earlier. You didn't have a damn thing to loose by getting looked at and you still didn't bother. And because of that, i'm going to loose the love of my life." And with that said, he stormed inside, leaving Olivia alone on the porch.

She could hear the birds chirping, the wind blowing, and her tears hitting the floor.

* * *

**I know that this ending is very OOC. But imagine the stress and pain going through both of them. Elliot was gonna break eventually. Just throwing that out there.**

**Thank you for reading! I'm currently working on a Bensidy fic so if you have any specific scenes that you've wanted to see written out for them, let me know! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

It didn't take long for Elliot to realize what he had said. In a matter of twenty seconds, he was back on the porch. But it was too late. Olivia just stared right through him with tears running down her face. Her hand was over her mouth, as if to keep a sob from escaping.

"Olivia..." He said, moving to reach out to her. It was then that she let herself go. She jerked away from his touch and a sob escaped her throat with more in it's path.

"I'm sorry," she rasped, pushing past him and, knowing that he was going to follow, hurried into the bathroom and slammed the door. The next thing she heard was a groan from Elliot. She looked down to see his bare foot wedged between the door and the door frame. She let go of the door and tried to get past him. He held her back and waited until she stopped resisting.

"Olivia, I'm sor-"

"Don't. Talk to me. " She said. "God, I can't even look at you right now. Get out of my way and leave me the hell alone." She tried sounding angry but the waves in her voice and the tears of hurt streaming down her face ruined the effect. Nevertheless, Elliot let her go. He watched as she stormed down the hall, headed for the front door.

* * *

Olivia walked into the precinct for the first time since everybody found out about her diagnosis. It was 6:30 so nobody was there yet. She sat down at her desk and tried to act like nothing changed. That is, until she heard footsteps behind her and the nickname that only one person could get away with calling her. She stood up and walked over to him . No words were said as she fell into his arms.

"What's goin' on with you, Baby Girl?" Fin asked, holding Olivia tight to him. Olivia let go and sat down on her desk while Fin stood in front of her.

"El and I went to the doctor the other day for my chest cold. Turns out it's lung cancer. My choices were to take chemo and have 6-8 months left or no chemo and have 4 months or less. I don't want to live longer if I'm going to be sick and in constant pain." She explained. Tears were rolling down Fin's face and he looked away for a minute, but soon turned his attention back to her,

"Where's Elliot at?" He asked, knowing that Elliot would never leave her alone in a time like this.

"We...he said some things he didn't mean." Olivia gave Fin a minute to process what she said; Elliot hurt her.

"What the hell did he say? After a long pause, Olivia found her voice again.

"He...he told me that this was my fault. But he didn't mea-"

"That son of a bitch, I swear to Go-"

"Fin. It's okay. We were both under stress and the situation just caught up with him. He didn't mean it."

"Why are you defending him, Olivia?"

"Because...because need him, Fin. Without him...I might as well just die now. I know you don't like him and I'm sorry but if he's not here, I won't be strong enough. Don't get me wrong, I am so, incredibly hurt by him right now, but he doesn't needed any more stress on him right now. He needs to know that I love him and need him just as much as he tells me he needs me." Olivia explained, finally allowing herself to admit that he needs her, too. Fin looked into her eyes, compassion filling them, adding to his tears. Minutes passed and no words were spoken. Olivia knew for a fact that there was nothing she could have done differently. But still, she needed the assurance.

"It's not my fault, is it?" She asked through her tears.

"No, baby girl, it's absolutely not." Find told her, laying a hand on her shoulder.

Elliot soon walked in just to make eye contact with her and watch as she stormed out. He was quick to follow after her but was caught off guard by the sudden grasp on him. No time was wasted as Fin whipped him around and threw a punch to his face.

"You fucking told her it was her fault?!" He spat, "She has four fucking months to live and and you're blaming her? Think twice before you say anything remotely degrading to her next time." Fin shoved him once more before walking away.

* * *

Elliot quietly opened the door to the rooftop to see Olivia resting on the concrete that was lining the edge. He couldn't see her face but he knew that she was crying. He walked over to her and stood next to her, no more than two inches in between them. There was a heavy silence. Elliot turned to look at her but did not move to touch her. He just studied her facial expressions until she finally looked at him.

"I can't marry somebody who is blaming me for this." She said, letting the statement hang in the air.

"Olivia...you know that I didn't mean to say that." He said, not even apologizing, which infuriated Olivia even more.

"I know that, Elliot. But the fact that you did say it means that you were thinking about it and considered it."

"I..I was under stress, Olivia. I have been blaming myself for this since the second we found out. I took it out on you and you can't possibly understand how incredibly sorry I am for that. I am so, so sorry, baby." He said, his hands now framing her face gently with tears streaming down from his eyes. "Can you forgive me?" He asked, crying. Olivia's hands came up to meet his.

"I forgave you a while ago. I can't forget this, though. I need to know that you are going to stand by me. I need to know that you are on my side or I won't be able to handle this." She whispered. She let herself meet his and saw nothing but guilt, regret, and love in them. She felt his hands pulling her closer and their foreheads were soon pressed against each other.

"Olivia Mae Benson, there is nothing in this world that could make me upset with you for this. I was angry and frustrated that this happened to you and everything just came out wrong." He was practically sobbing at this point. "I-I...you can't understand how guilty I feel right now. Nothing I said was true, y-you have to believe that. I am so sorry. I understand if you don't want anything to do with me or if you are going to end this. But please, please think about it before you do. I won't make it without you, especially when you are going through this. You mean everything to me. Everything. Please, baby, I ca-" Olivia cut him off with her lips. It was a quick kiss, but a connection, nonetheless.

"Elliot, it's okay. Take a breath. I'm not quitting on us. I know that you love me and didn't mean it. We're both going through a lot right now. It just hurt and I needed some time to think."

Elliot pulled her into his arms and held her close. One arm was wrapped around her waist and the other came up to hold her head to his chest. His fingers were intertwined with her hair and his lips were resting on her temple. He told her that he loved her over and over again, the words could not be said enough. They held each other for a long time, needing to feel each other's embrace.

"I'm still mad at you." Olivia said against his chest. She felt him chuckle a little bit.

"I love you, Olivia, more than you'll ever understand." He pulled away from her but soon returned with the goal of feeling her lips on his.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked her gently. She closed her eyes, somewhat hurt at the fact that her fiance felt the need to ask her for a kiss. At the same time, she gained a newfound respect for him, seeing just how much he desired her touch. Her hands came up to frame his face.

"Elliot, you never have to ask. Never."

With that, his hands slid beneath her hair to hold the backside of her neck and he brought his lips to hers. The only time he had ever been more utterly gently with her was the first time that they kissed. His hands crept through her hair and his hands found her cheeks. They were caught up in the moment and jumped when a loud crash filled the air. With their past, they instinctively clung to each other, but were soon laughing when they realized that it was just thunder.

"Let's go inside." Olivia said, taking Elliot's hand and subtly squeezing it, a silent way of showing that he was forgiven. The small smile that he gave let her know that he got the message. They went inside, hand in hand, and went downstairs to join their colleagues and finally explain what the hell was going on.

* * *

Everybody was gathered in the precinct. Cragen stood next to where Munch was sitting and Fin stood a bit farther away by himself. Elliot and Olivia were sitting next to each other with Elliot's arm around Olivia's waist, grasping the belt loop on her jeans as if to keep her closer to him. In any other situation, Olivia would never allow such intimate contact with him at work, let alone crave it like she was. She physically needed his touch in order to get through this.

They told their story for what seemed like the hundredth time. There were no dry eyes in the room. The air was filled with sickening silence. Nobody had anything to say; nobody dared to say anything. After what seemed like hours, but was only minutes, Elliot spoke up.

"The wedding...we uh, we bumped up the date. All of us, my family, and a few friends are flying out to Hawaii on Saturday. The ceremony will be on Tuesday and you guys are coming back Thursday. Liv and I are going to stay out there for a few extra days to have some time away from everything going on here. We...we need more t-time toge-" he held her closer to him and attempted to finish his sentence through his tears, "...we just need more time."

"Elliot! We are leaving to go to Hawaii, to our wedding, in an hour and you can't even find half of the stuff you need to pack!" Olivia playfully scolded her fiance. The past two days had been rough, but were also filled with so much joy. While each night had been spent with Olivia crying in Elliot's arms, each day her spirits were getting brighter and held more hope.

She gazed at her soon to be husband in awe. She had never expected him to be so patient with her. He had never once complained about the fact that she was in tears every two seconds, or that she was never hungry for the food he tried so hard to make her, or that she could never fall asleep for more than an hour without waking up. A year ago, he was hard-headed, stubborn, and angry. That will never change, but he has also added compassionate, patient, and incredibly loving to that list.

"I'm not a woman, Olivia, I'm not organized and efficient and shit like you are." Elliot laughed, giving Olivia a quick kiss on the cheek as he walked past her to get to their closet.

"Efficient or not, I'm leaving in an hour to go to my wedding and if you're not ready, I'm going without you." She told him. He looked back at her while pulling a few random shirts off of hangers.

"What, you're going to marry me without me there? Let me know how that works out for you." He smiled, throwing his shirts in his suitcase and walking back to her. He reached up and brushed back the loose strand of hair that didn't make it into her ponytail.

"You're cute." He told her, kissing her nose playfully. He knew how much she hated when he called her "cute" or "adorable" or anything like that.

"And you're an ass." She said, smiling, and turned to leave the room. "I'm going to call Casey. You better be packed when I come back."

"Yes, mom."

* * *

They arrived at the airport and Elliot got all of their bags, only letting Olivia handle the ones that she could roll. Olivia was already getting sick of his over protectiveness and it hadn't even been a week since her diagnosis. He had only left her alone if she asked him multiple times to. She knew that she would be grateful for that in the end. Every minute with him were always worth those seconds spent.

We got inside, went through security, and set our bags down at our gate. We sat down and Elliot was quick to grab my hand, as if to tell everybody that I was his. I was incredibly tired all of the sudden and it didn't take long for my head to fall to his shoulder.

I felt his arm wrap around me.

I felt his lips on the top of my head.

I knew that he was making sure that everybody saw how important to him I was.

* * *

I don't think I had ever been more aware of life's simplicity.

You come to this earth, you live your life, and you leave.

Everybody's lives are filled with nothing but moments that turn into memories at the blink of an eye.

You can choose to fill those moments with whatever you like, but in the end, they are still just moments.

Watching the love of my life rest against me, feeling the rise and fall of her chest, I had never been more grateful for her presence in my life. It had taken her so much trust, so much courage, and so much strength to let me into her world. To make me a part of who she was.

It had taken over a year for me to be able to make love to her without the fear that something I did would trigger a flashback from the darkest time of her life. A time when every ounce of strength she had was brutally taken from her. A time when she was physically forced into silence.

It took almost six months of us having a relationship outside of work for her to tell me what happened in the basement.

*flashback*

"I thought he was going to help me." Olivia whispered as she cuddled up next to Elliot. They had just returned from work after a brutal day. They both changed into more comfortable clothes and Olivia went and sat down on her bed, inviting Elliot to sit next to her. They made themselves comfortable against the headboard and were resting in much needed silence. Olivia was slouching a bit more than Elliot and had her head resting on his chest with her arms curled up to her chest. Elliot knew that that was her way of telling him that she needed his comfort. He wrapped his arms around her and tangled their legs together, letting the sound of silence echo in the room until he spoke up.

"What are you tal-"

"No. Just listen. Please, just listen." She insisted, tears already making their way down her face. Elliot know what was coming and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, letting her know that he was ready when she was. He could hear her take in a deep breath and feel her shoulders shake slightly against him. He knew she was crying but he wasn't about to call her out on it.

Finally, after over twenty minutes of silence, a small, broken voice filled the air. She told him the story of what happened. Most of it was blurry, she didn't remember all of the details. But Elliot knew that she would never be the same. And that night he held her tighter, he cried harder, and he loved her more than he ever had before. She ended up being the one comforting him.

They spent the rest of that night in silence, neither of them slept for even a minute. They called in sick the next day , but Cragen could hear the pain in Elliot's voice; he knew that she told him. He gave them their space and he saw the shift in Elliot when they returned, he knew that those two were changed forever.

*end flashback*

"Liv, baby, we're here." Elliot said, gently shaking Olivia, who was asleep against his shoulder at the end the plane ride. She sunk a little bit more into Elliot before sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

"What time is it?"

"Ten in the morning Hawaii time, four in the morning New York time." Elliot answered, knowing that Olivia would want nothing more than to sleep for a few more hours. He laughed when she responded by finding her comfortable spot on his shoulder, once again. He was about to make a sarcastic comment when he remembered that if she was kept on regular sleep patterns, it would keep her healthier and with him longer. He obviously couldn't stop the plane and ask that they wait to unload so that she could take a nap, but he truly felt like he was shedding precious minutes off of her life by simply waking her up.

"We've got a two hour drive to the other side of the island, you will be able to get a bit more sleep then, baby." He said, kissing the top of her head. They made their way off of the plane and found Cragen, Fin, Munch, Casey, and Melinda waiting for them. They talked about the day's plans and decided that they would do their own things in preparation for the wedding later on in the week and meet up together for dinner and night on the beach.

* * *

"Elliot Stabler, if you touch me one more time I swear to Go-" Olivia didn't have time to finish her sentence before Elliot swept her into his arms and pulled them beneath the waves of the Pacific Ocean. They broke the surface and Olivia looked angry as ever. Her act didn't fool Elliot, though. It took him all of two seconds to feel guilty before a smirk played on her lips and she swam off. Elliot shook his head and swam after her. She slowly came to a stop and waited for Elliot to catch up to her. He finally did and concern was written all over his features, he knew that his fiance would never give up on a race.

"You doin' alright?" He asked. Olivia caught her breath and nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, just a little winded. I'm good now." She assured him.

"Wanna head back to shore? Relax for a bit?" He suggested. Olivia nodded and started to swim off, but not before Elliot caught her around the waist.

"You don't need any more exercise right now. Hop on." He said, suggesting that she ride on his back until they get to shore. He knew that overworking her lungs would not be good for her and tried to make it as little of an ordeal as possible. Olivia was about to protest but knew that Elliot was only doing this for her own good. She finally agreed and wrapped her arms around his neck, hanging on until they got to the point where they could walk the rest of the way.

They returned to where they had set their things down. They laid their towels on the sand Olivia sat down while Elliot searched the bag they brought for sunscreen. After much exploration, he finally found it. He covered his skin before telling his fiance to lie back so that he could do the same for her.

He raked his eyes over her body, deciding to start at her feet and work his way up. She had been freaking out the entire time that they were at the beach that she might get sunburned. He was counting his lucky stars that she was trusting him to do this for her.

He started at her feet, running his hands over her ankles and toes, moving up to massage her calves. He made his way up her legs and laughed when she squirmed as he got closer and closer to the juncture between her thighs. He tapped her bathing suit bottoms a few times just to get a smile out of her before moving up. He covered her stomach and was amused when, again, she began to squirm when he came near her breasts. He was shocked enough that she was even letting him show such intimacy in public, even if it was just putting on sunscreen for her

He gently ran his fingertips over the small section of perfect skin that was spilling out of the side of her bikini top. He made his way down both of her arms before returning to the area where they met. The beach that they were on only had a few other people on it and they weren't even close enough to see what Elliot and Olivia were doing. It didn't make Olivia any less uncomfortable when Elliot slipped his thumb beneath the cloth that covered her breast and ran it over her nipple, removing his hand just as fast. He smirked at how fast her eyes shot open and she tried to flip over. Elliot laughed and took his hands off of her body. She returned to her position and gave Elliot a warning glare. He raised his hands in innocence and finished covering her chest. She flipped over and he did her back then turned back to how she was. Elliot finished off with her forehead and cheeks and let her rub it in, making sure to kiss her a few times before laying down, himself.

It was going to be a long day.


	6. Chapter 6

"Casey! Focus!" Olivia playfully scolded her friend. "We have three days until the wedding and you don't even know what's going on." She laughed.

"Okay, okay, calm down. Hair?" Casey asked.

"I'm doing it. Loose curls, half up with a flower."

"Olivia, you don't do your own hair at your wedding. That's just...no. We'll hire the best. Makeup?"

"A-I'm the only one who has ever done my hair and I'm the only one who knows how I like it done. B- have somebody taking care of makeup."

"You're a pain in the ass, ya know that?" Casey rolled her eyes with a smirk. "Dress?"

"In Melinda's hotel room. White sundress, on the fancier side."

"Venue?"

"Don't need one. My mother's friend owns land here on the beach and we are using that. Wedding officiant is taken care of."

"Food?"

"Catered from this fancy Italian place. I can't pronounce the name."

"Music?"

"Check."

Casey went on to ask about every single aspect of a wedding. After almost an hour of non stop questioning, Olivia told Casey to shut up and finish her food so that they could leave the restaurant that they had been sitting in.

"So how are you doing?" Casey asked with concerned in her voice. She knew Olivia was happy to get married, but she hadn't talked about herself yet. Tears were quickly filling both of their eyes before Olivia even answered.

"I try not to think about it...It's just not something that I'm one day gonna accept and be okay with, ya know?

"I understand. You know I'm here if you want to talk. We're all here to support you, Liv."

Olivia nodded as tears rolled down her face. "I know."

Casey decided to make the mood lighter. "So how are you and Mr. Stabler?"

"We're perfect. He's been my rock. I honestly couldn't be happier, considering my...situation."

"I'm glad you two are finally happy. To be honest, the sexual tension between you guys was becoming unbearable. These past two years have been heaven compared to the ten that came before that." Casey joked. Olivia let out a small laugh and wiped away her tears. A few moments of silence passed.

"Ya know...sometimes I feel guilty...like I'm doing him wrong by letting him marry someone who..won't be here much longer."

"Where is everyone? The dinner started at 6 and it's 6:15." Olivia was pacing back and forth. The wedding was in two days and nobody had any idea what to do.

"Liv, you gotta calm down. It's only been 15 minutes. Have you called them?"

She stopped walking and looked at Elliot. "Well, no."

Elliot smiled and laid his hand on her shoulder reassuringly."Don't stress out over little stuff."

Olivia groaned and plopped her forehead on his shoulder. "I just want this to be perfect." She said.

Elliot smiled at her nervousness and wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

"It will be perfect. You don't need to worry about a thing, babe." He moved his arms from around her back and held his hands at the base of her neck, tipping her face up to meet his. He laughed when her eyes were closed and she was pouting.

"You're adorable, ya know that?" He smiled when she opened her eyes and rose onto the tips of her toes to meet his lips. She kissed him quickly before reaching into her pocket and pulling out her phone, calling Casey and yelling at her after hearing that they were given the wrong location, as if it were Casey's fault.

Twenty minutes and lots of mindless ranting to her fiance later, everybody had arrived and they were ready to rehearse. Things went smoothly for all of ten seconds. By the end of the rehearsal, Olivia was about to call the wedding off altogether.

"You have a cue, use it. I need you guys to walk on beat." Olivia looked around. "And where the hell are Casey and Elliot?"

Everyone was hot, tired, and hungry. They knew Olivia just wanted this day to be perfect, but she was turning into a true bridezilla.

"How about you just take a deep breath, Liv? Everyone is trying their hardest just for you." Fin said trying to ease the mood. While Fin was taking Olivia's wrath, Melinda, Cragen, and John were all standing by, hoping it would be over soon. Kathy and the kids had arrived earlier that day but with Eli getting sick on the flight to Hawaii, they had skipped out on the rehearsal.

"This would go by smoother if the groom and maid of honor were here."

What Olivia didn't know is that Elliot had snuck out to plan a romantic dinner for Olivia and needed Casey's help. He swore they were gone for no more than 15 minutes, but when they finally showed up again, Olivia had some words for them.

"Where the hell have you two been?! I'm working my ass off trying to get this all worked out and you two are what, taking a break? Enjoying the view? My head is in five different places and I'm ab-"

"Liv!" Casey yelled, "I was on the phone with the restaurant owner and Elliot was talking to the pastor. We want this to be perfect just as much as you do. Calm down and take a breath." She said with a smirk, eyeing Elliot to tell him that it was his turn and walking away. He was about to laugh at her craziness when he saw the tears in her eyes. He knew how much this meant to her.

He figured he could dodge her anger easily by playing the loving fiance role. He took her into his arms and let her compose herself. After a few minutes, she pulled away from him, said thank you, and went back to yelling at Fin over which foot he needed to step with first, completely forgetting that she was angry at Elliot. As well as not commenting on the restaurant.

Women are so easy.

* * *

"So this is it, huh?" Olivia asked, sitting on the edge of the bed with her legs crossed under her, toying with the engagement ring on her finger. Elliot looked up from his laptop. He was resting against the backboard and the second he saw Olivia's gaze directed at the ground, he knew something was up. He set the computer aside and crawled over to her. He sat down next to her with his legs hanging over the edge of the bed. He tried to see past the hair that gravity was pulling down, covering her face, but had no luck. He pushed her hair back gently and that's when he saw the tears running down her face.

"Liv, what's wrong? Talk to me."

"Why do you want to marry someone who's going to die in a couple months?"

Elliot took a deep breath and grabbed her hand. He hated when Olivia talked like this. "Because I love you. I'm not marrying some woman who will leave me in a few months. I'm marrying Olivia Benson, the amazing woman I've had my heart set on for years." He said, leaning in to kiss her cheek tenderly

She simply turned her gaze farther away from Elliot's. He stood up and walked in front of her, her eyes meeting his stomach. "But, you'll be alone now. You have your kids, but you'll be a widow. I want you to be happy..."

"I am, Olivia! Why don't you get that?" He said frustrated. He paced around the room before settling back in his spot next to her. "You are the only one I want to be with. I don't fucking care how long we have. If we are both happy then what's the problem? Why does it matter?" He asked, trying to wrap his head around what was going on. "You are happy, right? Is this what you want?"

His question made her break her gaze with the doorframe to look at him.

"Of course I am. I'm happier with you than I've ever been. But it scares me that months from now you'll be planning my funeral and then you won't be happy anymore. I don't see why you would want to marry me knowing fully well that...knowing what's going to happen."

Elliot didn't know how he was ever going to convince her of his love for her.

"Olivia, I want to be connected to you. I want the world to know that I got the best of them all. I want to be able to say that I married the love of my life. But I don't want you to think I'm marrying you just to say that I married you, that's not it at all."

"I just can't help but to feel bad, like this is my fault."

"Well, it's not. I've always wanted to spend my life with you. The timing may not be great, but I haven't been this happy in over a decade. I'm going to marry you tomorrow and I'm going to appreciate every moment we have together." He kissed her forehead and wrapped his arms around her. "I love you so much."

Olivia savored the feel of him and couldn't help her anxiousness towards the following day. Olivia wasn't all about tradition but Elliot knew that he wanted the first time that he saw Olivia on the day of the wedding to be when she was walking down the aisle towards him. He had dreamt about it for years. However, plans changed when they found out about Olivia's condition. Olivia was going to spend the night and the next day with her girlfriends, but primarily with Casey. Elliot arranged with Casey that if anything was happening, even just another coughing spree, he would be called immediately. If she didn't feel well and it was more than just nerves, he would be told. Even if she was just stressing out too much, which he knew she would probably do, to call him and let them talk for a minute to calm her down. Casey, being the smart-ass that she was, called him overprotective. Nonetheless, she agreed to everything he asked for. Nobody wants Elliot stressing out over Olivia on their wedding day, that would just be a disaster waiting to happen.

By 10 o'clock that night, plans were made and Casey was on her way to pick Olivia up and head to her hotel for the night.

Elliot decided that wallowing in their situation the night before the wedding wouldn't help. He only had a few minutes left with his fiance and he wanted to make them count.

Needless to say, they spent those ten minutes with their lips locked and, unfortunately, their pants on.


End file.
